Perspectives on Management
Rediscovering the lost art of dialogue
Six steps to build trust and understanding with prospects
By Demmie Hicks
It’s one of the great ironies of the modern era: We have more ways to communicate than at any other time in human history, yet we sometimes forget what communication is really all about.
You’ve seen it again and again—people talking and texting, everywhere you look. These days, you can even “listen” to e-mail through your voice mail and read your voice mail online.
It’s wonderful to have so many ways to communicate. But in all of this communication, the art of dialogue often seems to be lost. And for independent agents and brokers whose business is built on mutual trust with a client, that’s a problem.
Dialogue is much more than a transaction involving the currency of words. It’s an experience in which each participant understands the other, and in which each benefits from that understanding.
Even the origins of the word imply an outcome: Dialogue means “through speech,” which describes a process that brings a result. So while the word conjures up conversation, it’s really about comprehen-sion and the result of that comprehension.
Which is to say, good dialogue leaves people wanting more. And if you master it, you will reap the rewards.
The sales professionals who work in the national accounts department at Cobbs, Allen & Hall (CAH) are living testament to this truth. Last spring, they recognized that they would benefit from re-examining how they interact with prospective clients. The department’s two dozen or so producers, many of whom are young professionals, wanted to know how they could get more out of that crucial first meeting with a prospect. They were looking to engage the prospect rather than merely inform.
A revealing exercise
Through a series of role-playing workshops which our company facilitated, these professionals learned how the art of dialogue could lead to a stronger and more positive interaction with a prospect.
Here’s how it worked: The entire department was divided into two-person teams. To prepare for the workshop, each team was assigned a national company to study. This company was the prospect, and the team was instructed to go out and learn everything they could about that company. One person on the team assumed the role of the prospect/buyer, while the other member called on the prospect as the seller.
In the role-playing exercise, it was up to the seller to initiate a true dialogue with the buyer about his or her business. The goal was to not bring up insurance at all; it was to establish a meaningful rapport that led to a greater appreciation of the buyer’s reality.
“Everyone in this business talks about insurance,” says Crawford McInnis, who heads the national accounts department for Cobbs, Allen & Hall. “That’s because it’s what we know. But we have to be different. We want to be the people who go in and engage with the customer to really learn the customer’s needs. We know that we shouldn’t talk about insurance until the customer brings it up in the conversation.”
The lesson may seem counterintuitive. After all, a prospect who agrees to a meeting with a representative from an insurance brokerage should be prepared to listen to a presentation about insurance, right?
Perhaps. But making such an assumption can forfeit a valuable opportunity to initiate a relationship with the prospect. Real relationships aren’t built through the standard “show-up-and-throw-up” practice that characterizes so many sales calls. Real relationships are only established when people understand and trust each other. And understanding and trust can come only through a true dialogue.
The role playing at CAH showed how the opening minutes of a client relationship might play out. It also revealed potential obstacles to dialogue—in full view of the entire department.
“It was pretty stressful,” recalls Brian Tanner, a vice president and producer in the national accounts department. “Your colleagues are there, watching every single thing you do. I’ve been selling for a long time and came prepared for the exercise, and I still learned a lot through this process.”
As an example, Tanner mentions his ability to make eye contact. “I have absolutely no problem looking someone in the eye in a conversation,” he says. “But when I went through this role playing, I learned that I have a tendency to look away when I’m thinking about an answer. It’s better to maintain eye contact, even when you’re thinking through something.”
Now is a good time to ask yourself: What personal tic, habit or idiosyncrasy are you unknowingly exhibiting in your meetings with prospects?
For Tanner, one such habit involves his wedding band. “I play with my wedding ring constantly, and I don’t even know I do it,” he says. “But it can be distracting to the person you’re talking to. So now, I’m aware of it—and if I think it’s going to be a problem, I might even put it in my pocket until the meeting is over.”
How to engage in dialogue
Learning how to engage in true dialogue takes practice and experimentation. Before you begin, it helps to remember the essential components of dialogue:
• Preparation: Before the dialogue, it helps to know as much as you can about the person or people across the table. A little research can make a big difference.
• Curiosity: If you are inquisitive by nature, it’s easier to ask provocative questions during a conversation. If you’re not, then study what you learned in preparation and identify some questions that will yield insights into your dialogue partner(s).
• Active listening: It’s what many believe is the most difficult aspect of dialogue to achieve. We’re so busy thinking about what to say next that we often fail to really listen to what someone else is saying. One tip: Before you make your point, re-state the point that the other person just made.
• Empathy: American educator Robert Hutchins said that “a dialogue assumes different points of view.” So take some time to visualize what drives the other person’s viewpoint—the circumstances, individual personality and other factors. With empathy comes understanding. With understanding comes benefit.
• Disclosure: When you share information about yourself that is relevant to the conversation, you automatically invite the other to do the same. You also open up new possible areas of common ground.
• Self-awareness: Be present in a dialogue. That may seem ridiculously obvious, but the distractions that take place often occur after you’ve allowed your mind to wander. Focus is the key to self-awareness.
Embracing these components of dialogue undoubtedly will improve the quality of your sales calls, as the professionals at Cobbs, Allen & Hall discovered. Indeed, Crawford McInnis observes that “getting a second appointment now seems much easier.”
But rediscovering the lost art of dialogue can have an equally powerful impact internally.
That’s especially true for organizations engaged in strategic planning. The successful outcome of the planning process often rests on the degree to which voices were heard and ideas exchanged. For the organizations we have helped chart a future course, dialogue was the single most important instrument in the process.
Whether people within an organization practice dialogue is largely determined by culture—company-wide, or within a department or division. The good news is that leadership can shape culture to encourage wider and deeper dialogue. When this happens, territorial thinking gives way to teamwork, partisanship is replaced with partnering, and healthy competition is bolstered through new collaboration. And everyone benefits.