Customer Service Focus

Work would be easy if it weren't for difficult clients

Understanding personality types helps in dealing with clients

By W.L. Richard, CIC, ARM, AAI

We all know that work would be a whole lot easier if we didn’t have to deal with difficult clients. It would be nice if we could avoid them but, unfortunately, we don’t usually get to pick whom we have as clients.

Many difficult people have been allowed to in-dulge in negative behavior since they were children. Unfortunately, they are often rewarded for their negative behavior when other people give in to their needs. However, it’s not okay to allow difficult people to take control through the use of rude or obnoxious behavior. If you’re tired of playing clients’ games, take charge of your life by taking a good look at yourself! You cannot change other people, but you can control what you do and how you act around them—and ultimately how they affect your working life.

What can I do about it?

We cannot change difficult people, we can only change ourselves and our reactions to their behavior. They need our cooperation and our permission to intimidate, control and repeatedly manipulate us to get their way. In most relationships, we are treated exactly the way we allow ourselves to be treated.

Communicating assertively is the most healthful and efficient approach we can use. Most people have a definite default style of communicating, depending on the situation and the person with whom they are speaking. Remember, communication is a learned skill and each of us has a choice in how we communicate.

In The National Alliance’s “Dynamics of Service” course, we discuss seven different types of difficult clients. For our purposes here, let’s just focus on some basics of different types of communications behavior, what drives that behavior, and what we can do when we are confronted with that style.

The passive personality

You might say that indecision drives this person’s behavior. The passive person wants to avoid confrontation at all costs. Passives usually don’t talk much and question even less. They don’t want to rock the boat, usually because they have learned it’s safer.

Passive people often lack the self-confidence to communicate assertively. They don’t trust other people to react positively to their assertive attempts. Passive people act like everything is perfect and they put everyone else first; however, inside they are often a seething mess.

So why bother learning how to deal with passive people or clients? They are the never-cause-a-fuss, do-what-ever-you-want people, right? In truth, passives constantly create havoc because they never let you know where they stand. They are too busy keeping the peace.

To deal with the passive personality:

• Encourage an environment of solving problems and discussing options.

• Establish trust.

• Be open, direct, and honest. In other words, model positive assertive behavior.

• Don’t let the passive person avoid confrontation. Resolve issues quickly and positively rather than allowing the person to avoid the issue.

• Give the passive person permis-sion to be decisive and offer praise for that decisiveness and participation.

The aggressive personality

The truly aggressive personality is determined to inflict anger and hurt through manipulation—by inducing guilt, and using intimidation and control techniques. Whether their behavior is covert or overt, aggressive people simply want their needs met—and right now.

Coworkers and clients who commu-nicate aggressively do it because it works. Do not confuse aggressive communicators with those who are being assertive. While assertive communicators are forthright and open, aggressive communicators say what they mean, but they hold nothing back and embellish, usually at the expense of others’ feelings. They simply do not care about others’ feelings, only their own.

To deal effectively with someone who is communicating aggressively:

• Confront the aggressive behavior. Don’t let the person get away with the manipulation because underneath that person won’t respect you.

• Assert yourself. Stand your ground to neutralize the onslaught of aggression.

• Make it clear that the aggressive behavior is unacceptable and will not get them what they want.

• Avoid emotional responses. Don’t react to their aggression with anger; it is like throwing gasoline on the fire.

The passive-aggressive personality

This style is probably the most challenging for agency CSRs. We think of aggressive people as forceful and confrontational and passive people as laid-back and nonconfrontational. A passive-aggressive person manages to do both. One obvious passive-aggressive trait is gossiping and tattling.

A passive-aggressive person resents a situation and shows it through his or her behavior, rather than by openly expressing feelings. This personality may appear to comply with another’s wishes, but the requested action is either performed too late to be helpful, performed in a way that is useless, or is otherwise sabotaged to express anger that cannot be expressed verbally.

Passive-aggressive behavior can sneak into a relationship whenever someone feels angry, betrayed, jealous, threatened, intimidated, or maybe when they are being competitive and want to be in control. Although they do not want a face-to-face confrontation, they usually cannot resist dropping clues that indicate their dissatisfaction with others, such as heaving long, heavy sighs, rolling their eyes or shaking their head in mock frustration. These are usually small clues—in fact, so small that we often feel stupid or petty even addressing them. “It must be my imagination,” we think.

When confronting passive-aggressive persons, realize that they are motivated to seek revenge when they perceive an injustice done to them—misspelled name, premiums higher than their neighbor, being put on hold, etc. It’s not that you really did them any wrong, it’s that they believe your behavior was inappropriate or unjust.

When dealing with people who communicate in a passive-aggressive style:

• Talk openly and honestly.

• Do not back down.

• Confront the communication and hold the persons accountable. Ask them to say to your face what they said behind your back. Or ask them to express their resentment verbally.

• Challenge inappropriate behavior in a positive, upbeat way, but be prepared for a counterattack.

The healthy, assertive personality

The only effective way to deal with difficult people is to use a calm, assertive communication style. Unfortunately, that is the style that people use the least.

Communicating assertively lets people know your position, needs, concerns and feelings in an open, honest way. It avoids threats, manipulation or hidden agendas. Assertive people ask questions, seek answers, discuss options, look at all points of view and engage in open and meaningful discussion. They do so without anger, hurt feelings or defensiveness.

Remember, you always have a choice in your style of communication. You also have a choice in how people communicate with you. Assertiveness will help you diffuse anger, reduce guilt, and build better relationships with clients and co-workers. More important, if you are more assertive you will be more effective. *

The author
W. L. (Will) Richárd is the managing partner for Insight Consulting Group located in the Phoenix area. Will has over three decades of experience in the insurance industry, in both agency and company positions in the areas of education, marketing and sales, and risk management. He is a faculty member for the Dynamics of Service program and The National Alliance for Insurance Education & Research. Contact Will at insightcg@aol.com. For more information on Dynamics of Service or the CISR program, call (800) 633-2165 or go to www.TheNationalAlliance.com.