Strengthening the Front Line

R-E-S-P-E-C-T—This is what it means to me

Lack of respect permeates all areas of the business world

By Emily Huling, CIC, CMC

Many retail stores are models of how not to treat live customers. After fending for yourself to find what you need, you wait in a cashier’s line, not a “next-person-please” queue. When it’s finally your turn, your transaction is interrupted by your cashier answering a phone and helping the call-in customer while you stand and wait. I want to shout: “What am I—chopped liver?”

Sadly, this lack of respect permeates all areas of the business world—not just in retail. Lack of respect for others may be conscious or unconscious. It’s not restricted to one gender or a specific age group. Disregard for others exists in all demographics. It’s found everywhere—in one-on-one conversations, small groups, and large conferences. What one person believes to be non-intrusive behavior can make another climb the walls. Most of us don’t have to think long to cite a personal experience that demonstrates a lack of respect. Have you experienced any of these situations? Worse yet, have you been guilty of participating in any of them?

• You’re attending a meeting and the person next to you places his cell phone on the table. The good news is that it’s on the vibrate mode and not ringing. Instead, each time the phone vibrates it hums, rumbles, and dances across the table for (you’ve timed it) 20 seconds until the call transfers to voice mail. This happens not once, but six times during the hour-long meeting.

• An insurance carrier has graciously invited several members of your agency staff out to lunch. You notice one of your coworkers texting messages under the table instead of engaging in conversation with your hosts. Unfortunately, she’s sitting on the other side of the table. You’re at a loss as to how to intervene to stop this rude behavior.

• Your favorite motivational speaker has come to town, and you are lucky enough to have a ticket. You arrive early and get a great seat in what will be a packed lecture hall. You didn’t notice that the person at the table behind you set up his laptop to take notes during the lecture. Instead of being inspired and recharged, you lose both patience and focus while you listen to the continuous tap-tap-tap of the keyboard.

• You and your boss have a meeting scheduled in her office. You arrive at the appointed time. Your boss is still engaged in another task and is focused on her computer monitor. She tells you to go ahead and start. She can listen to you and finish what she’s doing at the same time.

Each of these examples demonstrates a lack of respect. While we may not understand how people can be so clueless in situations like these, it’s important that they realize what they are doing. According to many scholars of business success, including Daniel Goleman, the author of Emotional Intelligence (1996 Bantam Books) and Social Intelligence (2006 Bantam Books), the ability to connect is the key determinant of whether or not someone can achieve a high professional level.

Learning to connect

What does it mean to be emotionally and socially connected? It’s getting along with others, being aware of the people and space around you and responding appropriately, knowing and respecting social norms, and reacting appropriately to concerns and difficulties. Can people learn to be emotionally and socially connected? Absolutely, if they choose to.

The starting point is to take in what’s around you. In his 1985 book Vital Lies, Simple Truths, Daniel Goleman states, “The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice.” He adds that until we see that failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds, there is little we can do to change.

What’s your observation aptitude? Do you read the surroundings when you’re in a group? Do you notice people’s reactions to situations and their effect on others? Do you see things from others’ point of view? Are you fully engaged when others are talking?

Some examples of failing to notice and behaving disrespectfully are coming to work sick and contagious, dressing too casually for an important meeting, tapping on a keyboard at a meeting and causing a distraction for others, and having side conversations or texting when a coworker or presenter is speaking.

I’m often asked what to do when you encounter a disrespectful person. You have several choices. Physically move away from the situation; amicably confront the person and ask him or her to stop; or call on your utmost patience and ride it out.

The best thing to do is prevent disrespectful situations. Create agreed-upon rules of engagement for your firm to apply both in and out of the office. Here are several that exist in my clients’ organizations:

• Practice engaged listening.

• Turn off phones, PDAs and keyboard devices when meeting with others.

• Don’t carry on side conversa-tions when others are speaking.

• Express mutual respect for others’ ideas and contributions.

Respect is contagious. Take responsibility for your actions and you’ll find that others show you the respect you deserve.

The author
Emily Huling, CIC, CMC, helps the insurance industry create top-performing sales and customer service organizations. She is the author of Selling from the Inside and Kick Your “But.” For information on her programs and products, call (888) 309-8802 or visit www.sellingstrategies.com.