The five (or at least four) tenets of a popular
feedback model may fall short for motivating mentees
[M]entors, even managers, who sandwich criticism between positive
nuggets think they’re providing a black pearl in the heart of an
oyster. In reality, they’ve presented a grenade with the pin already pulled.
By Michael Wayne
When I hear the word “mentor,” the image my mind immediately conjures defaults to an Obi-Wan Kenobi-type from the original Star Wars or Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid. Each had life experiences to draw upon. Each was able to teach, even when their students were unaware that they themselves were being taught. Most important, however, each was way older than me. That last sentence is a bit painful now, especially knowing that Pat Morita was an “ancient” 45 years old when he created the role of Mr. Miyagi and I’m older now than he was at that point in his life.
I have long known that mentors come from everywhere and can be any age. They can be long-term companions on your journey, short-term, or even be involved in fleeting moments of your life, simply there to deliver a single line that you need to hear at just the right time.
While definitions of long-term and short-term vary from individual to individual, how people respond to mentors varies as well. We all know that everyone doesn’t learn the same way and what motivates one person isn’t the same carrot on the stick for another. This, in short, is why I find it difficult—actually impossible—to adhere to any particular model of giving feedback as a mentor.
A classic example of this for me is the BOOST feedback model. The five tenets of this method are: Balanced Feedback, Observed Feedback, Objective Feedback, Specific Feedback, and Timely Feedback. Here’s a breakdown of why the five tenets of this model ultimately fall short.
Balanced Feedback
Personally, no one I know enjoys being told they did something wrong. To a degree, I have some desire for constructive criticism to ensure clients are satisfied and management is providing appropriate guidance regarding my performance. Balanced Feedback, however, seems phony to me.
I get the feeling that mentors, even managers, who sandwich criticism between positive nuggets think they’re providing a black pearl in the heart of an oyster. In reality, they’ve presented a grenade with the pin already pulled. Balanced feedback is the equivalent of two slices of pretty good bread with rotten ingredients in-between. Are you ever going to truly focus on the bread when you’ve taken a bite?
If you have a concern about something that happened or was said, ask any questions necessary to clarify what exactly didn’t go according to plan, and then tell the person you are mentoring what your concern is. The key driver is ensuring you have established the trust to do so.
Observed Feedback
The second tenet of BOOST, Observed Feedback, refers to feedback you provide based on what you have personally witnessed. From what you have seen or heard from the individual you are critiquing and mentoring, you can then counsel them as to how their actions or behavior negatively impacted you, the organization, or the specific project you were working on. Unfortunately, you will never observe everything.
You have to rely on third-party information sometimes to get a clearer picture of what’s going on. From there, however, you must be diligent and ask questions that lead to a, hopefully, clearer picture. Assumptions and conclusions need to be avoided. The feedback in this regard may not be about something dire, it could be something as simple as asking why a young producer used one piece of collateral over another when making a presentation.
Remember, just because you wouldn’t do something one way doesn’t mean it’s the incorrect way.
Objective Feedback
Objective Feedback has all the hallmarks of being an effective tool for mentoring. You lay out specific goals and expectations, and that allows you to give feedback that is consistent, free of bias, and based on concrete benchmarks.
Here’s the problem. If you aren’t careful, this has the potential of turning into a Glengarry Glen Ross type of situation. For those unfamiliar with the movie based on David Mamet’s Pulitzer Prize winning play, you may have heard the term, “Always be closing,” or “Coffee’s for closers only.” If not, take a look on YouTube.
Your mentoring cannot hinge on throwing numbers in the face of someone every time they turn around. Formal goals are good, but they can’t be the end all be all. “Feedback” is useless if it’s threatening and the person being threatened doesn’t have control over all the circumstances preventing them from being successful. Be human. Question what is happening without berating.
Specific Feedback
Again, in theory, this sounds great, but not if you don’t comprehend how to appropriately provide Specific Feedback. The most common pitfall here is hubris and arrogance on the part of the mentor. If you go into a situation thinking you know exactly what the problem is and how to fix it without understanding all of the details, how do you expect to solve any real issues and get someone on the right track?
After you listen and figure out the roadblocks, then you can employ your years of wisdom to collectively develop a solution with the person you are trying to help. Specific Feedback can only truly come from a place of understanding and collaboration, not from a feeling of superiority.
Timely Feedback
This may truly be the one tenet of BOOST that I subscribe to fully. Letting mistakes linger without acknowledgement for days, weeks, months, or longer, is counterproductive. In many instances, if you don’t address the person you’re mentoring as close to in the moment as possible, the lesson you ultimately aim to provide may be lost. They may have forgotten everything that was going on, or the information may no longer be useful. That being said, feedback in the heat of battle may not be a good time either because your colleagues may not be able to process what you are imparting upon them.
Lead with your heart, with empathy, and with compassion. That is the only real “method” to mentoring that is needed. In most respects, this is the same way that we should be conducting business with clients and the basis of whatever “business model” you are following.
The author
Michael Wayne is an insurance freelance writer.
