Making feedback work for you
Organizations that grow stronger despite challenges have
continuous learning cultures, [which] require feedback at every level—including senior leadership.
By Kimberly Paterson, CEC
Few professionals would argue that feedback is vital to our growth and success and that we could all use more of it. Yet, no matter how much we say we want feedback, we often dread the experience. That’s because when we ask for feedback, we open the door for criticism. If others’ judgment of us exposes our weakness or differs from how we see ourselves, it threatens our self-esteem.
The reality is that avoiding feedback doesn’t stop others from judging us. As leaders, people continuously judge our words, behaviors, trustworthiness, effectiveness and commitment. When we lack a clear picture of others’ perceptions, we miss the valuable data needed to improve performance.
The challenge is that the higher you rise in an organization, the tougher it is to get accurate and balanced input on how you can strengthen your impact. If you’re a CEO, few people are confident enough to be forthright and candid about where you need to improve, without the right encouragement.
Leader behaviors that discourage feedback
Successful leaders can be a potent mix of stubbornness, pride and defensiveness—and tone deaf when it comes to feedback. They believe their achievements are affirmation that they are doing things right, and it can be difficult for them to hear anything that feels critical, no matter how constructive or well-intentioned. While the leader may say they want feedback, their behavior often discourages it. Common behaviors that are barriers to helpful feedback are:
- Holding the request to the end of the conversation. Because they’re uncomfortable with the process, the leader waits until the end of the meeting when time is short and then asks if the employee has any feedback. Eager to get on with their day and avoid saying anything the leader might not want to hear, the person smiles and says, “No, everything is good.” Both parties breathe an inward sigh of relief and move on.
- Relying on closed-end questions. Many people are conditioned to believe it’s safer to say nothing than to give candid feedback to a leader. A leader’s closed-end question like “Do you have any feedback for me?” makes it easy for the person to say no and avoid sharing meaningful information. Getting actionable feedback takes asking questions that require a more thoughtful response. For example, instead of asking, “Do you have any feedback for me?” say, “What’s one thing I could do differently that would help you in your job?”
- Filling the silence. Silence is awkward. When someone doesn’t answer the question immediately, leaders tend to jump in to end the discomfort. If you don’t fill the silence, most people will eventually feel pressured to answer your question.
- Letting the conversation shift to organizational issues. A trap leaders fall into is allowing employees to digress and talk about organizational improvements. Typically, this is a more comfortable topic for both parties, but it won’t generate the feedback the leader needs to strengthen their performance.
- Giving up too quickly. Leaders often tell me they ask for feedback but people seem reluctant to share insights that will help them improve performance. As a result, they become discouraged and stop asking. It’s essential to remember that sharing honest feedback is risky—especially if the person is your manager or a colleague you’re afraid of offending. Most people won’t take the risk until they feel it is safe and are confident that the upside is worth the potential downside.
Surfacing useful information
How we invite and react to feedback—outwardly and inwardly—will determine the quality of the input we receive. Using these tactics will help you generate actionable information:
- Be honest about a shortcoming. Set the tone by demonstrating that you are self-aware and confident enough to share something you need to change or improve. Be careful not to overdo talking about your inadequacies, be dismissive, or rationalize your flaws. It’s important to communicate that you’re not perfect and make an effort to change.
- Ask explicit questions. Precise questions help eliminate confusion about what you want to know and generate richer and more actionable feedback. For example, instead of asking, “What did you think of the all-hands meeting last week?” say, “From your team’s perspective, what can I do to make the all-hands meetings more effective?”
Peel the onion. Don’t settle for the first response. Chances are good that you haven’t gotten to the real issue. In the all-hands meeting example, the person’s first response was, “It would be nice if you served breakfast.” After thanking the person for the feedback, the leader probed, “I noticed that after we presented the employee rewards and started talking about the agency numbers, people seemed to lose interest. The numbers send a signal on whether we’ll pay bonuses this year. Why do you think people tuned out?”
The employee thought for a minute and responded, “I think it might be how you presented the numbers. I don’t think everyone understood the financial terms you used. You might have gotten more attention if you had linked the results to bonuses and used simple terms everyone can understand.” By not stopping at the refreshments comment, the leader got constructive feedback on his presentation. - Watch the signals you send. Colleagues sense whether you want feedback or you’re going through the motions. People will pay more attention to your actions than your words. Glancing at your cell phone or interrupting conveys impatience. Crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or leaning away communicates defensiveness.
- Listen with an open mind. When the information goes beyond telling us how good we are or conflicts with how we see ourselves, our defenses instinctively kick in. Appearing defensive will shut down the flow of feedback. Instead of being defensive, stay curious. If this is hard for you, imagine the feedback is being delivered to someone else, and your job is to listen carefully and be objective in considering the information.
- Separate what the person says from how they say it. If people have to tiptoe around you and couch everything they say, you’ll get less candid and ultimately less helpful feedback. People have different styles—some are very direct, and others are subtle. You’ll miss out on valuable information if you’re only willing to take feedback when it’s delivered the way you like it.
- Control your emotions. If people worry that you might burst into tears or lose your temper, they’ll avoid sharing feedback that might upset you. Few managers have the patience to deal with employees who melt down when they hear something they don’t like. Leaders want to surround themselves with people who can learn from feedback and have the resilience to bounce back quickly. The higher you climb up the ladder, the more critical composure becomes.
- Don’t react in the moment. If the feedback triggers a strong reaction, thank the person for the information—even if it is hypercritical or feels unfair. Tell them you need a little time to consider what you’ve heard. Get back to the person once you’ve had a chance to organize your thoughts.
- Find the kernel of truth. Differentiate between noise and useful feedback. If what you hear is untrue, focus on trying to understand what you’re doing that is leading to people’s perceptions. Ask questions or summarize what you hear to make sure you understand what the person is trying to tell you.
It’s important to be mindful that feedback is one person’s perception and more of a reflection of them and the lens through which they see life than it is about you. But when you hear the same feedback repeatedly, it’s time for action.
A wise man said that if one person calls you a horse’s ass … it’s probably okay to ignore them. If two people tell you, you’re a horse’s ass … you should probably pay attention. But if three people tell you you’re a horse’s ass … buy a saddle! - Take action. The most effective way to encourage quality feedback is for colleagues to see that you internalize the information they share. Otherwise, the risk isn’t worth the reward. When you act, be sure to communicate what you’re doing in response to the feedback. Not everything you hear will warrant action. The key is making people feel heard and showing that you take feedback seriously.
- Make feedback a day-to-day practice. Ask for feedback and ask often. Build it into your one-on-ones and team meetings. When you incorporate the request in casual conversations, it no longer feels ominous. The more you normalize feedback, the less anxious people will feel.
Establishing a productive feedback loop
Organizations that grow stronger despite challenges have continuous learning cultures. Continuous learning cultures require feedback at every level—including senior leadership. The demands on leaders and the skills needed to navigate the job effectively are constantly in flux. Feedback gives even the most experienced leaders the information they need to adapt and rise to the challenge.
Building an effective feedback loop takes time and persistence. It happens when people learn through experience that giving constructive feedback is safe and that sharing that information makes a difference. Giving feedback will become the cultural norm when people are convinced that the risk is low, and the rewards can be significant.
The author
Kimberly Paterson, Certified Executive Coach and Master Energy Leadership Coach, is president of CIM (www.cim-co.com). CIM works with organizations and individuals to maximize performance through positive lasting behavioral change. Her clients are property and casualty insurance companies, agencies and brokers. She can be reached at kpaterson@cim-co.com. Follow Kimberly on www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-paterson and twitter.com/CIMChangeMinds.
