The behavior that will make
or break your organization
People often think that circumventing conflict keeps relationships strong and supports organizational progress and effectiveness. The opposite is true. Conflict avoidance negatively impacts organizations in significant ways.
By Kimberly Paterson, CEC
Let’s be honest; most of us would rather avoid a difficult conversation than risk the chance of conflict. The attitude is consistent regardless of title, seniority or experience. The behavior is so widespread that 95% of organizations’ workforces struggle to speak to their colleagues about their concerns, according to research conducted by authors of The New York Times bestselling book Crucial Conversations.
Why people hold back
People avoid speaking up about issues that concern them because they worry about how things may turn out. The common fear is that the situation will spin out of control and that they may say something that will permanently damage their relationship. Someone may be hurt, quit, cry, get angry or have a meltdown.
Instead, people choose to keep the peace because they believe that avoiding conflict keeps relationships on an even keel and preserves the orderly function of the organization.
Leaders frequently complain that they are increasingly reluctant to share anything that could be perceived as negative. They report that younger workers often display high levels of sensitivity and experience any disagreement, debate, or uncomfortable feedback as a threat to their “psychological safety.”
The concept of psychological safety has gained popularity in organizations. The problem is that people misinterpret what psychological safety is. Many view it as an environment where colleagues keep the peace. People tend to steer clear of conflict and resist saying anything unless it is something nice. You’ll hear teams express, “We like and respect each other; we never argue.”
This is the opposite of a psychologically safe team. In psychologically safe environments, team members feel it is expected and healthy to speak up. Team members believe that it’s appropriate to ask questions, admit mistakes, and disagree with colleagues. The research on the relationship between psychological safety and performance improvement is extensive and robust.
If you would like to assess the psychological safety of your team, email kpaterson@cim-co.com and request the free questionnaire, “How Psychologically Safe Is This Team?”
Avoiding conflict jeopardizes effectiveness
People often think that circumventing conflict keeps relationships strong and supports organizational progress and effectiveness. The opposite is true. Conflict avoidance negatively impacts organizations in significant ways:
Limits growth. The clash of opposing ideas and strategies is a dynamic, creative process that reveals the strengths and weaknesses that can ultimately produce better outcomes. People who go out of their way to avoid conflict often suppress ideas that might improve the organization. They fear pushback or resistance from people who might feel threatened or oppose the ideas for other reasons.
Conflict avoiders handcuff themselves as they worry how others may react. They become conservative in their thinking to minimize the risk of conflict. When in a leadership role, the individual may stifle others’ creativity and encourage status quo thinking. By avoiding controversial topics, opportunities are squandered through inaction.
Hurts performance. Managers who are uncomfortable with conflict tend to avoid sharing the direct feedback people need to perform at their highest level. In their desire to keep the peace, they tend to overlook bad behavior that hurts the employee’s development and creates tension among team members.
Nothing diminishes a leader’s credibility faster than when employees see them as unwilling to address conflict. It’s a habit that leads to organizational dysfunction.
Reduces productivity. When conflict is unresolved, people engage in resource-sapping avoidance tactics, including ruminating excessively about crucial issues, complaining, getting angry, doing unnecessary work, and avoiding the other person altogether. This time is wasted because it detracts from meaningful work and doesn’t result in a resolution.
Leads to mistakes. Healthy conflict is necessary for teams to learn from past mistakes, take decisive action and tap into the entire team’s talent and experience. When people avoid conflict, errors that might have been exposed or resolved through open debate go undiscovered and unfixed. The business’s failure rate increases.
Threatens teamwork. Whether it’s competition for resources, different priorities, clashing personalities or contradictory opinions, conflict at work is inevitable. When conflict remains unresolved, negative feelings fester and minor issues can escalate into major ones. As tensions rise between colleagues, communication and coordination deteriorate.
Increases absenteeism. A study commissioned by CPP Inc., the publishers of the Myers-Briggs Assessment, revealed that 25% of employees said that avoiding conflict led to sickness or absence from work.
Drives employee turnover. The CPP study also indicated that one-third of respondents said that conflict resulted in someone leaving the company, either through quitting or firing.
Managing healthy conflict
Conflict resolution skills have never been more critical than they are now. With five generations of workers with differing values, a polarized political environment, declining civility and increasing mental health issues, workplace conflict is a growing problem for C-suite leaders. Avoidance is not the answer. The key is to use effective conflict resolution strategies:
Take prompt action. All too often, people wait out the discomfort, hoping the problem will disappear or the situation will improve over time. Others choose to delay because the timing doesn’t feel right; the individual you need to approach is in a bad mood or they’re under a lot of pressure. The problem with procrastinating is that the opportune time never seems to come.
A VitalSmarts poll conducted by Joseph Grenny, co-author of Crucial Conversations, and Justin Hale, a master trainer at VitalSmarts, shows that 40% of people put off their scary conversation for six months, and another 20% wait a year or more. The reality is that avoiding a conflict that warrants addressing and allowing the situation to fester often makes the problem worse.
When things get hot, call for a cooling off period. While it’s essential to take prompt action, avoid responding in the heat of the moment. When tempers flare and emotions are running high, people won’t be able to think clearly and react rationally. Communicate that you will address the issue, but that you want the involved parties to have a chance to collect their thoughts and reflect on the situation. Schedule a time and a neutral place to reconvene.
In the meantime, it can be effective to give people a question or two to consider. For example, if two people are having an issue, ask each one to look at the situation from the other person’s perspective.
Block the end run. When people are averse to conflict, they’re often more comfortable complaining to their manager and seeking their support than dealing with the issue directly. Many managers are born problem solvers. Their default is to try to resolve the issue.
When you solve the problem for them, you reinforce their tendency to avoid conflict. Instead, respond by asking them what their colleague said when they discussed the issue with them. If they haven’t made the effort, ask them to do that first.
If they’ve tried and been unsuccessful, it’s time to facilitate. Unless there are privacy or confidentiality concerns, bring both people into the room together. You’ll hear both sides of the story and each person’s response to the other. This saves you time and helps provide clarity. Encourage them to air their grievances, find common ground and work together to resolve the issue.
Keep in mind that when you engage in conversation with an employee about their co-worker, you can create an atmosphere of mistrust. It can also give the impression that one employee has better access to you or that you play favorites.
Keep it face to face. Conflicts that take place via email, text, and digital channels like WhatsApp tend to deepen misunderstandings and escalate breakdowns in communication. When issues are emotional or carry high stakes, ensure communication is face to face.
Experts agree that 70% to 93% of all communication is non-verbal. If you’re communicating in writing, you miss valuable signals, and it’s hard to interpret people’s intent. When dealing with remote workers, be sure that conversations about conflict are on-camera.
Be neutral. Once the involved parties are together, acknowledge that there is a problem. Establish ground rules for the conversation, such as no personal attacks, blaming others, raising voices or talking over each other. Be empathetic to what people are feeling without taking sides. Jumping to conclusions or showing favoritism erodes trust and can exacerbate conflict.
Focus on the problem or behavior, not the people. Make sure that all parties are heard, and relevant facts are surfaced before trying to move to resolution. If you don’t want the conflict to keep resurfacing, dig for the root cause of the problem. Conflicts that stem from issues such as role clarity, accountability, and unaligned goals will persist until they are addressed.
Facilitate the conversation. Summarize the agreements and disagreements. Lead the team to move forward by identifying common interests and goals. Work together to develop a plan to help resolve the issue, including the specific steps to be taken, who will take them and by when. Don’t expect to make everyone happy. The key is a plan all parties can live with.
Follow through. Document your plan. Agree on how and when you will follow up and how you will determine if the issue has been resolved.
An essential leadership skill
When you work with people, conflict is inevitable. Leaders’ ability to manage that conflict is crucial to an organization’s success. It is a vital skill that today’s leaders cannot afford to be without.
If your conflict aversion runs deep, a good first step is reframing. Instead of viewing conflict as something uncomfortable you dread dealing with, see it as an opportunity to build trust, grow the organization, and create an environment where people want to do their best work. Start where the stakes are low, practice your skills and build your confidence.
You may never welcome conflict, but learning how to deal with it more easily might be one of the best things you can do to improve your own leadership and create more value for your organization.
The author
Kimberly Paterson, Certified Executive Coach and Master Energy Leadership Coach, is president of CIM (www.cim-co.com). CIM works with organizations and individuals to maximize performance through positive lasting behavioral change. Her clients are property and casualty insurance companies, agencies and brokers. She can be reached at kpaterson@cim-co.com. Follow Kimberly on www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-paterson.
.
