A winning trait or red flag for failure
“Perfectionism has increased drastically over the last few decades. One of the most concerning findings is that young people are seemingly internalizing a myth that things—including themselves—should be perfect.”
By Kimberly Paterson, CEC
After the final round of interviews, everyone agreed that Kate was the ideal candidate for the department manager position. She has the skills, experience and work ethic.
Her references consistently describe her as a hard worker who sets a high bar for herself and her team. Some describe her as a perfectionist. The leadership agrees that perfectionism is a desirable trait. They see it as a characteristic that contributes to success.
The problem is that managers often mistake perfectionism for striving for excellence. One is healthy, and the other is toxic.
Perfectionism versus striving for excellence
People who strive for excellence set high standards and take pride in their work. They accept that mistakes will happen and, when they do, they see them as a learning opportunity. Their learning mindset gives them the resilience to bounce back when things go wrong.
On the other hand, the fear of failing and making mistakes drives perfectionists. They worry that if they are imperfect, others will reject them. For perfectionists, it is more about their struggle with self-doubt than the work. Any mistake or perceived flaw is a blow to their self-esteem.
Because their self-image is at stake, their reaction when they feel they’ve failed can be strong and highly emotional. Their self-doubt can make it difficult and time-consuming for them to recover.
Individuals who set high standards give work their all, but if it falls short of perfection, they are comfortable knowing they gave it their best. For the perfectionist, doing their best is never good enough because the perfection they seek is unattainable. The need for perfection is exhausting and takes much of the joy and satisfaction out of work.
Perfectionists suffer high levels of anxiety and are vulnerable to stress-related diseases and burnout. This negative energy can be contagious to teammates.
The rise in perfectionism
Experts say that perfectionism is on the rise. Professor Thomas Curran of the London School of Economics and Professor Andrew Hill of York St John University are authors of a first-of-its-kind study that examines perfectionism across generations. The study includes more than 40,000 American, British, and Canadian college students between 1989 and 2016.
According to findings published by the American Psychological Association, “Perfectionism has increased drastically over the last few decades—33 percent since 1989.” According to Curran, one of the most concerning findings is that “young people are seemingly internalizing a preeminent contemporary myth that things—including themselves—should be perfect.”
The National Education Association calls it an “epidemic.” The Association of Child Psychotherapists calls it a “silent catastrophe.”
In a survey of 25,000 Canadian elementary and high school students, one in every two participants felt they needed to be perfect, while 48 percent of high schoolers went further and said they felt under specific pressures to appear physically perfect in every possible way.
Impact at work
Perfectionists operate from a place of fear and insecurity—fear of making mistakes and being seen as not good enough. Their desire for perfection often comes at the expense of taking the actions needed to move forward. The perfectionist mindset commonly drives these behaviors:
- Procrastinate and avoid tasks. Managers often mistake this behavior for a time management issue. In reality, it is a fear of failure. The perfectionist would rather be chastised for not completing the work than submit a work product that’s less than perfect. Important projects that can move the organization forward may remain undone.
- Miss deadlines. Perfectionists keep reworking tasks because they have trouble recognizing when their work is good enough. Missed deadlines are common. It also takes them longer to complete assignments, which hurts productivity.
- Overthink. Perfectionists will focus on even those most minute details and consider every scenario to eliminate any chance of errors. They can find it challenging to stay focused on the big picture. They hesitate to make decisions; when they do, they’re prone to second-guessing themselves.
- Need control. Perfectionists seek order, clarity and control. They’re uncomfortable with ambiguity and unpredictability. They’re excessive organizers and list makers.
Delegation is challenging for them because, in their minds, it means losing control. When they delegate, they tend to micromanage. The behavior can limit growth opportunities and increase frustration for the people they manage. - Lack tolerance. Perfectionists are hard on themselves and those around them. Their tendency to criticize anything short of perfection hurts relationships with their direct reports, peers and business partners.
- See mistakes as failures. For the perfectionist, mistakes are synonymous with failing. Rather than seeing mistakes as a valuable learning opportunity, they fuel criticism and self-doubt.
The high price they pay for mistakes makes them reluctant to try new things, embrace challenges and take risks. For the perfectionist, you can’t fail at something you don’t attempt. It can be difficult to convince a perfectionist to grow beyond a role that’s comfortable for them. - Set unrealistic goals. Perfectionists have unrealistic expectations about what’s achievable. They’re likely to tackle more than they can handle and beat themselves up when they fall short of their goals.
Coaching a perfectionist
Coaching a perfectionist is challenging. Perfectionism is a deeply ingrained way of thinking and behaving that’s likely been part of them since childhood. Be patient and recognize that you’ll likely need to manage your perfectionist differently than team members with high standards. Consider these strategies:
- Don’t try to convince the person to stop being a perfectionist. Telling someone they need to change who they are seldom has a good outcome. Instead, help the person learn how to channel their perfectionist tendencies in a way that will help rather than hurt them. The key is seeing their perfectionism as a tool, not who they are.
- Help them see the cost. Most individuals who suffer from perfectionism know the toll it takes on their stress level and overall well-being, but they often don’t realize how it impacts performance and the ultimate cost to the business. Help the person understand the law of diminishing returns.
Questions you can use include: “What’s the ultimate value of the particular task?” “Will good work deliver the result we need?” “Will the time you’re investing in making this perfect make a difference?” “What aren’t you doing because of the extra time you’re spending on this?” and “Is this the highest and best use of your time?”
Perfectionists often fail to see how their behavior jeopardizes relationships. The impossibly high standards they hold add to stress and conflict. Perfectionists are often critical or disappointed with others’ work. The people they interact with frequently feel underappreciated. - Choose the projects and tasks you delegate carefully. Typically, perfectionists are more successful when tasks or project parameters are clear and narrow in scope. Talk about where the assignment fits within their current priorities and what level of quality or detail is needed.
When possible, indicate how much time they should invest to get the work done. A midway check-in can be helpful to ensure they’re on the right track and delivering the right level of depth and quality. - Identify their triggers. Help the individual recognize the thoughts that trigger their perfectionist behavior. For example, if the person thinks that everything they do must be perfect, gently get them to challenge the validity of this. Does the email they spend 45 minutes writing need to be brilliant, or is high work quality simply communicating the facts clearly and concisely?
It is also essential to recognize and have strategies for situations that trigger the person’s perfectionism. For some it may be tackling an assignment outside their comfort zone; for others it may be tight deadlines or high-stakes presentations. - Model imperfection. Be willing to show you’re not perfect. Admit when you don’t have all the answers. Share a mistake you made, what you learned, and how it helped you in your career.
When you model this behavior, you give the person permission not to have all the answers and show that mistakes are an unavoidable part of professional growth. - Focus your feedback. Keep your tone warm and supportive. What the perfectionist fears most is rejection. Avoid criticizing their mistakes.
Perfectionists have overactive inner critics. The odds are they are already punishing themselves for the error. Avoid dwelling on what went wrong. Instead, encourage them to be curious and consider what they learned and what they want to do differently next time.
If the mistake is related to their perfectionist tendencies, help them make the connection between their behavior and the problem.
Leverage perfectionism’s upside
While perfectionists are challenging to work with, they have strengths. Most perfectionists have strong work ethics, deliver quality work, and care deeply about what they do.
In certain positions, qualities like attention to detail and the ability to think through multiple scenarios to avoid errors can be invaluable to an organization. Success lies in understanding these individuals and ensuring that they channel their perfectionist tendencies in a way that serves them and the organization.
The author
Kimberly Paterson, Certified Executive Coach and Master Energy Leadership Coach, is president of CIM (www.cim-co.com). CIM works with organizations and individuals to maximize performance through positive lasting behavioral change. Her clients are property and casualty insurance companies, agencies, and brokers. She can be reached at kpaterson@cim-co.com. Follow Kimberly on www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-paterson and twitter.com/CIMChangeMinds.
