Six tactics for giving feedback
to the hypersensitive employee
[G]eneration Z and millennials … are showing an increased tendency to hypersensitivity, [which]
is defined as being triggered by feedback and reacting negatively to criticism.
By Kimberly Paterson, CEC
Steve is an experienced manager with an impressive track record for developing talent. Recently, he’s hit a wall managing his younger team members. He says they are so hypersensitive that giving them the constructive criticism they need to improve their performance is impossible. As a result, Steve avoids any comments that could trigger adverse reactions.
Based on senior leaders I coach, Steve is not alone. A growing number of managers report keeping their feedback and performance evaluations as benign as possible to avoid potential reactions and the risk of being labeled insensitive or discriminating.
According to social psychologists, Genera-tion Z and millennials, people born between 1981 and 2012, are showing an increased tendency to hypersensitivity. Hypersensitivity is defined as being triggered by feedback and reacting negatively to criticism.
A 2020 American Enterprise Institute survey of 4,000 Americans shows that Gen Z is significantly more likely to be offended and overly sensitive to speech. Research participants were asked to select between two statements about speech: either “People need to be more careful about the language they use to avoid offending those with different backgrounds” or “Too many people are easily offended these days over the language that others use.” Almost 60% of those in Gen Z are worried about offending others—24% greater than the national average.
Sensitivity has advantages. It can increase social awareness, empathy and compassion for others. But it also has a dark side. The hypersensitive often overreact to minor issues, avoid conflict, have trouble handling criticism, overthink tasks, have difficulty making decisions, and suffer from emotional exhaustion.
Behind the hypersensitivity
There is little scientific evidence on what’s causing the increase in sensitivity but there are theories. Johnathan Haidt, social psychologist and co-author of The Coddling of the American Mind, believes that three ideas have become guiding norms for many young people: “Strive to avoid bad experiences at all costs,” “Trust your emotions over reason,” and “The world is a black-and-white battle between good and bad people and there is no middle ground.”
In the book, he attributes the shift in thinking to six factors:
- Increasing political polarization since the 1980s. The divide between right and left has never been greater, nor has politics been so polarized. Political mobilization is not centered on support for one’s preferred party, but hatred and fear of the other party. It’s become difficult for people to engage in meaningful dialog when they disagree.
- A rise in anxiety, depression and suicide among adolescents over the past decade. Numerous studies document the increase in mental illness among young people. McKinsey’s most recent American Opportunity Survey reveals that 55% of 18- to 24-year-olds report that they “have either been diagnosed with or having received treatment for mental illness.” Researchers have noted that social media and excessive screen time are highly correlated with depression, anxiety, and self-harm among young people.
- Parenting. Today’s parents limit their children’s independent activities to a far greater extent than earlier generations. Kids miss out on the opportunity to realistically evaluate risks, learn from mistakes and feel a sense of control over their lives. Prevailing parenting strategies for millennials and Gen Zers focused on building self-esteem by telling kids how good and special they were. Many didn’t receive the constructive feedback needed to support resilience and growth.
- Safetyism. Physical and emotional safety have become sacred values. Young people are raised with the expectation they will be protected against speech and opinions that feel threatening.
- A shift in how social justice is conceptualized. Social justice has shifted from a focus on equal access to opportunity to a focus on equality of outcome.
- Corporatization of higher education. Higher education has become a big business. Schools don’t want to risk losing tuition dollars. Students are increasingly viewed as customers and handled as valuable assets that must be appeased and protected.
At many schools, students have become accustomed to environments where they are often sheltered from debate, hearing viewpoints that may conflict with their own, and receiving tough feedback on academic performance.
Feedback is vital to performance
While millennials and Gen Zers may be more sensitive to corrective feedback than prior generations, they still want feedback. If managers want to keep their younger workers engaged and motivated, they can’t afford to cut back or eliminate feedback. The key is delivering information in a way that people can hear it, internalize it, and translate it into action. Consider these tactics:
- Do it often. Don’t wait for the quarterly or annual review. Make feedback part of your regular conversations. When receiving feedback becomes routine, the comfort level increases. Short messages in real-time or near real-time, delivered face-to-face or on camera if virtual, work best.
If your hypersensitive employee tends to be “anxious,” frequency is even more critical. Neuroscientists have found that highly anxious people have intense neural reactions to uncertainty. For them, the state of not knowing where they stand generates even more anxiety than knowing they are failing. - Recognize that criticism doesn’t feel constructive. No one likes criticism. It implies judgment, and we cringe at the thought of being judged. We interpret criticism as something we’ve done wrong or not as well as we should have done. It’s a past act; talking about it won’t change what happened. That’s an uncomfortable feeling, especially if we fear losing face in the eyes of someone else. To a hypersensitive person, criticism is demoralizing, no matter how well-intentioned.
- Use the power of PEA. There are two psycho-physiological states around which learning behavior is organized: Positive Emotional Attractor (PEA) and Negative Emotional Attractor (NEA).
PEA taps into our ideal self. It has an uplifting, positive effect that increases motivation, effort, optimism, flexibility, creative thinking, resilience, and other adaptive behaviors. NEA taps into our feelings of inadequacy and others’ expectations of us. It is mood-dampening, tends to trigger guilt and anxiety, and can cause one to strive less to reach goals.
Both states play a critical role in behavioral change, but PEA is most important with hypersensitive people.
Example: Tapping into NEA—“You need to fix your relationship with marketing; your colleagues are complaining about your arrogant attitude.”
Tapping into PEA—“You’re incredibly good at building client and carrier relationships. How can you use your talent to connect with people and build a better relationship with the marketing team?”
The PEA approach reinforces the employee’s positive self-image as someone with good people skills rather than focusing on what’s wrong with them. The method relaxes the person and opens them up to listening. By drawing on their skills, they will be more confident and comfortable in addressing the challenging relationship with marketing. - When something isn’t working, view it as an opportunity. The goal of any performance improvement discussion needs to be learning, not calling someone out or making them feel guilty for their shortcomings.
Make the conversation a learning experience. Be clear about the problem but avoid dwelling on what went wrong. Shift the energy by helping the person reflect on how they are wiser due to the experience and what they will do differently next time.
Example: Instead of “You didn’t go to the right markets, and that cost us a valuable client. That was an expensive mistake,” say (State the problem.) “Unfortunately, you lost a client that we could have saved.” (Shift to learning.) “What can you learn from this situation?” (Focus on the forward action.) “Knowing what you know now, what would you do differently next time? What questions might you ask to gain a better understanding of the client’s intentions?” - Hone your coaching skills. Millennials and Gen Zers respond better to coaching and mentoring than being told what to do. They’ve been managed their entire lives, from playdates and organized sports to what college courses to take, and they crave the opportunity to make their own decisions.
Have collaborative conversations, not monologues. Ask questions and seek to understand rather than make assumptions about what’s causing the problem. - Emphasize results, but be flexible on the process. Younger generations tend to respond negatively to being micromanaged. They will also challenge managers who defend the status quo or are rigid about how things must be done.
Millennials and Gen Zers value having their ideas respected and the freedom to get tasks done how, when and where they choose. Where possible, give them flexibility and a sense of ownership. Make your expectations clear and hold people accountable. As long as employees are achieving the desired outcomes, be open to different ways of doing things.
Reframe how you position feedback
Receiving feedback is an intimidating experience for most people, especially for the hypersensitive. If you shift the focus from critiquing performance to learning and professional development, your people will be less defensive and more receptive. Hearing feedback from a manager can be scary, whereas exploring skills that can help an individual grow in their career is exciting.
Millennials and Gen Zers are programmed to succeed. They place a high value on professional development and seek out managers and organizations willing to invest in their future success.
The author
Kimberly Paterson, Certified Executive Coach and Master Energy Leadership Coach, is president of CIM (www.cim-co.com). CIM works with organizations and individuals to maximize performance through positive lasting behavioral change. Kimberly is a contributing author to the book Millennials In Wonderland: Coaching Grads at the Crossroads of Life and Career. Follow Kimberly on www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-paterson.
