Be aware of the inner voice
that talks you out of taking risks
[O]ur inner critic often keeps us in one place, feeling both stagnant
and frustrated, but also safe and predictable. It’s a relationship
worth exploring—and challenging—if that feels right for you.
By Meg McKeen, CIC
I probably shouldn’t. I’m not sure I’m ready. It would be easier if I didn’t.
If you’ve found any of these thoughts rolling around in your head—likely never said out loud, but on repeat just to yourself—it might be time to get acquainted with your inner critic.
In her book Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead, author Tara Mohr describes the inner critic as “‘the voice of not-me’—the internal chatter that tells a woman she’s not ready to lead, she’s not enough of an expert, she’s not good at this or that. It’s the voice of self-doubt … .”
Our inner critic is the silent voice that talks us out of a risk we want to take. It convinces us that we need more time or money or knowledge before we start something new and it suggests we settle for what is instead of what could be. In our industry, it might sound like: I need one more designation before I can call myself an expert. I’m not ready to go out on my own. Someone else has already said this better than I ever could.
As a result, our inner critic often keeps us in one place, feeling both stagnant and frustrated, but also safe and predictable. It’s a relationship worth exploring—and challenging—if that feels right for you.
Who invited you?
Your own inner critic is a persona of sorts, created from an amalgamation of the unique experiences you’ve collected in your lifetime.
Your inner critic might be shaped by the belief that the expertise you’ve built doesn’t yet count or the persistent feeling that who you are right now isn’t enough for what’s ahead, or the quiet conviction that the vision you’ve created for your life will always be just out of reach—available to others, but not to you.
These beliefs are deeply rooted in your reality: perhaps a test in middle school you didn’t pass or a tryout you bombed—further validating a belief that you aren’t an athlete (by the way, that’s me with wrestling and cheerleading tryouts in ninth grade). Or it could be the rejection by someone you were really interested in. (If you haven’t been here, I don’t believe you.)
It’s been said that time heals all wounds, but some linger and our inner critic exists to make sure we never forget.
What’s your name?
My inner critic, which I’ve affectionately named Bruce, isn’t a real person, but he is very much a product of my own experience, too. As a young professional, my heart was set on work in social services. It would take years to understand how significant that perspective is here in the insurance industry, but Bruce had opinions about the detour. And, more recently, Bruce was there when I sold my home and things to travel. There’s so much uncertainty ahead. Shouldn’t you just stick with what you know?
Self-abandonment can feel like self-protection, and our inner critic exists to keep us safe from what it believes will cause us harm or could upset our equilibrium. Rewriting the rules of engagement with our inner critic can be hard. But it can also be worth it.
Thanks for the memories
When I find myself mired in self-doubt, those familiar feelings of shame or unworthiness, sometimes I’ll speak directly to Bruce, acknowledging that we’ve been here before but that the inner dialogue on repeat just isn’t helpful in this moment—or at all.
It sounds something like: “Thank you, Bruce, for keeping me safe. For acknowledging that there’s a version of me that wasn’t ready for what’s in front of me, who didn’t know herself as I know myself now. But that version of me isn’t this one; and while you think you’re helpful, you’re not. Thank you for the memories, but I can take it from here.”
I’m not convinced we can ever completely break up with our inner critic, but I do believe we can appreciate the role our inner critic plays in our thought processes and decision-making and then proceed anyway.
Today, Bruce’s voice is loudest when I am ready to launch something new in my business. In the past, it would slow me down or even stop me altogether. Now it serves as a welcome reminder that I’m doing hard things and that I’m capable and worthy of the result when they work out.
When this feels like the only voice you’re hearing, consider other inputs available in your life. Your inner critic’s voice is loud and close, but the people who know your capabilities—and those who are on a path like your own—can be the voice you need to hear.
Before we go
I’m an insurance professional with a deep fascination with the human experiences we have as we navigate the work we do, but I’m not a mental health professional. If you find yourself struggling as you navigate your own experience with your inner critic, support and resources are available through project55.org or samhsa.gov.
The author
Once told “you’re someone I’d like to receive bad news from,” Meg McKeen, CIC, founded Adjunct Advisors LLC in 2018 with the simple belief that we can and must do more to support the individuals who choose a career in the insurance industry. Now in her 27th year, Meg’s experience working in underwriting, leadership, and sales within the industry informs her work as a consultant today, in which Meg now holds space, at the crossroads of personal and professional development, for insurance professionals as they navigate their shifting relationship with work and a shifting market. Meg’s work includes private and small group coaching, workshop facilitation, industry event speaking and planning engagements, and the podcast she hosts, Bound & Determinedsm. Learn more at www.adjunctadvisors.com.
