Seeing another’s perspective
Clients are not looking for another insurance presentation.
They are looking for someone who understands the business behind the risk.
By Carolyn Smith, APR, CRA, TRA
Every insurance and risk management professional has experienced it: You meet with a prospect. You ask thoughtful questions, present strong recommendations, explain the coverage, and answer every objection. From a logical standpoint, your solution is clearly the better choice.
Yet they stay with their current agent or broker.
It is easy to assume the decision came down to price, loyalty, or simple resistance to change. More often, something else is happening. The decision was never driven by logic alone.
Behavioral psychologist Dr. Kit Yarrow has spent years studying how people make buying decisions. In Decoding the New Consumer Mind, she explains that emotion leads the decision-making process, while logic usually follows to justify it. Before buyers compare premiums, coverage, or policy features, they are subconsciously asking much more important questions: Do I trust this person? Do they understand my business? Do I feel comfortable sharing the challenges I’m facing?
Her research also found that today’s buyers have become remarkably skilled at recognizing traditional sales tactics. The moment they feel that they are being sold, they begin protecting themselves.
Authentic curiosity, trust, and emotional connection are no longer simply relationship-building skills. They are prerequisites for meaningful business conversations.
Former FBI hostage negotiator and best-selling author Chris Voss reached the same conclusion from an entirely different arena. After years of negotiating with kidnappers, bank robbers, and hostage takers, he discovered that people rarely change their minds because someone presents a stronger argument. They make important decisions when they believe the person across the table genuinely understands them.
That principle became the foundation of what Voss calls tactical empathy, a communication approach that has transformed negotiations far beyond law enforcement. Today, business leaders, successful sales professionals, and trusted advisors use these same principles to lower defenses, build trust, and uncover the conversations that ultimately lead to better decisions.
For risk advisors, that may be one of the most valuable lessons of all. Clients are not looking for another insurance presentation. They are looking for someone who understands the business behind the risk.
Tactical empathy begins with understanding
At its core, empathy is the ability to see a situation from another person’s perspective. Tactical empathy takes that one step further. It intentionally uses this understanding to build trust, lower resistance, and create more productive conversations.
Successful negotiations rarely begin with presenting stronger arguments. They begin with discovering what matters most to the other person. Once you understand their concerns, priorities, and motivations, your questions and recommendations become far more relevant and persuasive.
In his book Never Split the Difference, Chris Voss describes tactical empathy as the intentional use of communication techniques to help another person feel understood. The objective is not manipulation. It is creating an environment where people are comfortable sharing information, exploring options, and making thoughtful decisions.
Three simple habits help put tactical empathy into practice:
- Use a calm, confident voice. Your tone often communicates more than your words. Speaking in a steady, relaxed manner encourages open dialogue and signals that you are there to understand rather than persuade.
- Acknowledge their perspective before offering your own. Recognizing someone’s concerns does not mean you agree with them. It simply demonstrates that you have listened carefully enough to understand how they see the situation.
- Help people feel heard. When people believe they are being listened to, they naturally become more willing to continue the conversation. Asking thoughtful questions, reflecting what you’ve heard, and allowing moments of silence often reveal insights that would never emerge during a traditional sales discussion.
For example, instead of saying, “I don’t want you to think we’re ignoring your needs,” acknowledge the emotion directly: “It sounds like you feel your concerns haven’t been fully addressed.” That subtle shift moves the conversation away from defending your intentions and toward understanding the other person’s experience, which is where trust begins.
Dave Berndt, vice president of human relations at Nottingham Insurance, has spent years helping risk advisors apply Chris Voss’s negotiation principles to prospect conversations. His advice is simple. An advisor who begins by asking, “Would you have
15 minutes to discuss your insurance program?” is asking for a resource every business owner values: time.
A producer who begins with genuine curiosity about the business demonstrates that he has already invested some of his own.
Before Nick Abbatemarco, a risk advisor at Nottingham Insurance, called the operations manager of a specialty food manufacturer, Berndt helped him prepare for the conversation. There was no sales pitch, proposal, or request for a quote. The goal was to earn a second meeting. Abbatemarco planned to spend roughly 20% of the conversation talking and 80% listening.
He opened with one of Voss’s techniques by acknowledging what the prospect was already thinking: “You probably receive a dozen calls every week from insurance people, and I’m not here to pitch you anything.”
Instead of trying to overcome skepticism, Abbatemarco acknowledged it. As the conversation progressed, he listened carefully, repeated key phrases the manager used, and labeled the emotions behind them.
“It sounds like keeping production moving safely has become one of your biggest challenges.”
Rather than steering the discussion toward insurance, Abbatemarco stayed focused on the business: “What has growth changed for your leadership team?” “How has hiring affected your operation?” “What has become more difficult over the last year?”
The operations manager began sharing challenges that never would have surfaced during a traditional insurance conversation. As Abbatemarco summarized both the facts and the emotions he was hearing, the manager responded with the two words he wanted to hear: “That’s right.”
According to Voss, “You’re right” often ends a conversation. “That’s right” signals that someone genuinely feels understood. Berndt cautions risk advisors not to mistake that moment for an invitation to start selling. Instead, he encourages them to ask one more thoughtful question, embrace the silence, and let the prospect continue talking.
“The first call has one deliverable,” Berndt says. “It isn’t a quote. It’s trust. Everything else comes later, and only if you’ve earned it.”
When the conversation ended, Abbatemarco didn’t directly ask for a meeting with the company’s decision-maker. Instead, he used one of Chris Voss’s signature techniques: a “no-oriented question,” which is intentionally phrased to make it comfortable for the other person to answer “no,” reducing defensiveness and giving them a greater sense of control. He asked, “Would it be a good idea to introduce me to the person who ultimately makes these decisions?” Rather than resisting the request, the operations manager readily agreed and arranged the introduction. Abbatemarco didn’t pressure his way into the meeting. He earned it by first earning the operations manager’s trust.
Joshua Feathers of Gilbert’s Risk Solutions has found that the same approach opens doors throughout the middle market. Business owners rarely spend their days thinking about insurance limits or deductibles. They are worried about hiring skilled employees, managing growth, controlling cash flow, and protecting the business they have spent years building.
“Rarely does a business owner wake up wondering whether their umbrella limit is high enough,” Feathers says. “They’re worried about finding the right people, managing growth, and keeping the business moving forward. If that’s what keeps them up at night, that’s where the conversation needs to begin.”
Long before the first meeting, Feathers looks for signs that something significant has changed inside the organization. A new location, acquisition, expansion, leadership transition, or rapid hiring often reveals emerging risks long before they appear on an insurance application.
“The key is to ask questions that help business owners think through the challenges they’re facing,” Feathers says. “You aren’t trying to convince them they have a problem. You’re helping them articulate concerns they may already have.”
That is where tactical empathy becomes a competitive advantage.
Instead of asking, “When does your insurance renew?” ask, “What has changed the most in your business over the past year?”
Instead of asking whether they’re shopping their insurance, ask, “As your business continues to grow, what concerns you most about the next 12 months?”
Rather than asking whether they’re happy with their current broker, ask, “What one or two business issues keep you awake at night, and is your current advisor helping you think through those challenges?”
Questions like these do far more than uncover exposures. They communicate that you are interested in understanding the business before discussing insurance. They transform a transactional sales call into a business conversation, allowing trust to develop before solutions are ever introduced.
Dr. Kit Yarrow’s research explains why this approach works. People buy with emotion and justify their decisions with logic. Chris Voss explains how to earn that emotional connection: Make people feel understood first.
For today’s risk advisor, those ideas come together in one simple principle. The first meeting should never be about selling insurance. It should be about earning the right to have the second conversation.
The author
Carolyn Smith, APR, CRA, TRA, chief training officer for Beyond Insurance, creates and delivers transformative programs, including the Trusted Risk Advisor certification, BIGN Producer Boot Camp, and Quest for Success, that have positively impacted the lives and careers of countless professionals. These programs help industry professionals build a career that they love and achieve the success they deserve.
